Wednesday, December 7, 2011

Dear Mom

It's been six years, but wasn't it just yesterday?  It doesn't seem to hurt as bad, or maybe I've just become accustomed to it.  I can't tell you how many times I've needed you since you've been gone.  There are some things that a girl can only talk about with her mom.  Like my pregnancies.  Why didn't I ever ask you about what it was like being pregnant, or how you managed to go through 3 very long births naturally?  I guess I wasn't at that stage in my life where I thought about those things.  I took for granted that you would be around to see me go through them.  I know I could ask Dad about it, but men don't remember those things as well as women do.  And all those hours I spent crying while trying to nurse both Taylor and Lucy....maybe it would have been easier if I had been able to hear your words of wisdom or even just a word of encouragement. 
You know I still think back to my wedding day and I imagine the expression that would have been on your face as I walked down the aisle.  I know you were with me in spirit, but I still selfishly wish that you had been there in person.
But you know I have to keep telling myself that God did some wonderful things in my life after you passed.  I don't think my faith would have been reawakened.  I probably would not have gone to Emily's house that Easter, or gone to the Vineyard.  And if I had never stepped inside the Vineyard, I never would have met Walker.  To be honest Mom, I'd be a hot mess without him in my life!  You would love him so much.  He is definitely the guy you wanted me to end up with; smart, funny, so caring and patient (especially with me!), and such a good dad.  You know how you would ask people lots of questions about things and sometimes we'd get annoyed?  Walker isn't like that; he would have answered every single one of your questions!  I know in my heart you two would have gotten along so well.  I know he wishes he could have met you too.
I guess I don't really have a lot else to say; I wish I could just call you, just to say hi.  Just to tell you that I love you and I miss you.
I love you, Mom and I miss you every day. 

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