Ponderings

So lately I've felt this increasing desire to stay at home next year.  I'm as surprised as anyone by this because I've always said how much I like my job (and I do).  But staying at home sounds so nice too.  I'm honestly very torn on this issue....First, we'd be relying on Walker's salary, which is nothing to get excited about (yaaay teachers' pay).  Things would be very very tight for us.  Honestly, I'm not even sure it'd be possible.  I put some numbers together and our monthly bills right now total more than his current take-home pay.  Now, I realize that he will get a raise next year but it won't be much as most school districts in IL are cutting back their budgets.  Yes we'd be saving money in daycare costs but I don't think it's enough savings for us to live on.
And also, this is going to sound very selfish, but I don't want to really change our lifestyle.  I'm sorry but I really like the fact that I can run out to Target or Meijer and pick up extra things whenever I want (well I haven't been able to do that as much this year due to taking days without pay on my paychecks).  Also, I really want to get Taylor in some tumbling classes and maybe swimming lessons within the next year.  Unfortunately, those can be kind of expensive.  Does she NEED them?  No, absolutely not.  However, I think they'd be really good for her (she already loves doing somersaults and loves splashing in the pool) and it's something she and Walker could do together.  But if I'm not working, we definitely could not do any of that.
Another concern I had that is kind of fading is boredom.  I really get bored when I'm at home.  I think it's because I tend to be a couch potato.  I know that if I did stay home, I would make more of an effort with the housework  and cooking (I really do like to cook) and I would try and take the girls different places a few days a week.  And we would do playdates and things like that.  The only thing I'm still hesitant about is winter.  It's very hard to get out with a baby during the winter.  I don't want to think about doing it with a baby and a toddler.  I'm afraid that the effort of getting them out will just keep me in the house and I'll slowly go crazy.  =)
And then there's the latest email from my sister who stays at home with my 4 year old nephew and my 2 year old niece and is about ready to lose her mind. 
But going in the other direction here, I do want to start Taylor in preschool within the next few years.  I don't really know how I'd be able to get her to and from preschool when I'm at work. 

I really just wish there was a happy medium.  Well as long as I'm wishing I might as well just wish that we would win the lottery.  Or that teachers made more money than doctors. 
I guess being a teacher is one of the best professions to have if you do have kids and staying at home is not an option.  I mean I do get my summers off, I get 2 weeks at Christmas,  a week in the spring and other random holidays sprinkled through the year.  And I have to admit, I do enjoy being in an environment where I'm not "mommy" (although my kiddos have called me that before!).  I like being around other adults and having conversations that consist of more than "look a dog!  say dog!  dog!  can you say dog?  what does a dog say?"  I guess this isn't anything I have to decide right now.  It's just something I need to think about for the next few months.