An Update

Oh what a battle I've been in for the past week....
If you're wondering what I've been doing, here's a little picture.....nurse Lucy for 20-30 min. (add on another 10 for diaper change and trying to keep her awake).  Then give her a supplemental bottle which takes about 10 min.  And then pump for 20 min.  Then add in another 5 to clean all the pump parts and bottle.  Add that all up and I have less than an hour before Lucy gets hungry again.  Fun stuff, huh?
Today we went back to my lactation consultant.  The good news is Lucy is up to 7 pounds 8 oz so she's gaining what she's supposed to.  But the consultant and I talked about how I've been following this routine, taking oodles of herbal supplements (11 at each meal!) and the increase in my supply has been minimal.  We decided that there is most likely something physiological going on with me that is affecting my supply.   It is unlikely we can find out what until I'm further along in my post partum recovery.  And even if we do all these different tests and labs in a month, they still might not show anything.  I simply can't keep up the routine for that long.
So I have decided to just nurse Lucy for as long as she wants and then offer a bottle after she nurses.  Thankfully Lucy has shown no signs of nipple confusion.  Now that might change- she might realize that if she's going to get a bottle anyway, there's no point in trying that hard to nurse.  If that happens, so be it.  If I dry up, then oh well.  I'll just be done and that'll be it. 
Of course I wish that things had gone differently for us.  But I'm not going to let this get me down like I did with Taylor.  Instead of feeling sad and envious of women who breastfeed with no problems, I am going to choose to be happy.  I will be proud of my friends for choosing to breastfeed and be glad that they aren't having to go through what I went through. 
Just knowing that I will start to get somewhat of a life back is a huge relief to me.  No matter what, I know that I absolutely did my best and I'm still a good mom. 

On the Day Lucy Jane was Born

On Sunday night (March 6th) I went to bed feeling pretty miserable about the fact that I was still pregnant.  It’s kind of silly but I was worried that if I didn’t go into labor that night or the next day then I’d be wasting one of my maternity leave days.  I guess I didn’t have to worry.  

I woke up sometime before 4 with contractions.  I figured it was more false labor so I just laid there.  They were already a little uncomfortable and as they kept coming, I had to focus more on breathing through them.  Finally after having at least 5 or 6, I decided to start timing them.  This was around 4:30.  

**And we interrupt this birth story for a brief endorsement for the Contraction Master app for the iphone.  It was so great just tapping my phone when the contractions started and ended and a quick glance told me how long the contraction was and how close to the previous one it had been.  It was definitely worth the $.99 I spent to download!  And back to the birth story**

I decided to time them for an hour before getting up.  I saw that the contractions were consistently less than 7 min. apart but they were not regular.  So I’d have one after 6 minutes, then I’d have one after 2, then 4 minutes, than a short one after 1 minute and so on.  Shortly before 5:30, I got up and went into the living room.  I walked around a bit, sat on the exercise ball, and on the edge of the recliner.  The contractions continued.  I also ate some peanut butter and started drinking some water.  Shortly before 6, I called Jill, my doula, to let her know that I was pretty sure that I was finally in labor.  I also woke Walker up and let him know what was going on but told him to go back to sleep because I was doing okay on my own.   

At this point, I decided to try a bath to see if that stopped them and also to get some relief.  I definitely liked being in the warm water but having the contractions while sitting down wasn’t that great.  Neither was kneeling on all fours.  I called it quits after 15 minutes.  I noticed that my contractions were definitely closer together and were painful.  I got dressed and called Jill and asked her to come over.  In the meantime, I just kept walking around.  Surprisingly, (to me anyway) that was how I was most comfortable.

By this point, both Walker and Taylor were awake so they were both kind of getting ready for the day.  In between contractions I helped get Taylor ready- again having something to focus on really helped.  Poor Taylor was very confused.  I think I was scaring her during my contractions because by this point, I was letting out low moans to help with the pain.  At one point, I remember looking at the clock and thinking “I’m going to be in labor for 8 hours.”  I don’t know why I thought that, I just had a feeling (maybe a wish?) that it would be an 8 hour labor from start to finish.  At some point, I started thinking longingly of my labor with Taylor and how I got to just lay there and let the contractions happen; that I got to sleep through them, and socialize through them.  I realized that even though I wanted to do this naturally, a bigger part of me really wanted to be comfortable. And I wanted to make sure I had enough energy when it came to push.   I told Walker this and he started getting the last minute things together for the hospital.  We also called his aunt and asked her to head down to the house to watch Taylor.  

Jill arrived at the house and she helped me get through some more contractions.  She brought a heat sock that felt so good.  I told her I wanted to get to the hospital and she said that was fine.  She even offered to stay with Taylor until Walker’s aunt got to the house.  Walker and I got packed up and we left.  

Car rides and labor just do not mix.  First, we hit quite a few red lights and since it was past 7 in the morning, we couldn’t just go through them like we did when we went to the hospital with Taylor.  But we finally got to the hospital and made our way up to Labor and Delivery where they were expecting us.

I got changed and a nurse checked me and said I was around 5 cm already.  Thank goodness!!  I was so worried it was going to be a repeat of last time!  The nurses notified my midwife and started the check in process.  They also started me on a bag of fluids.  I had told them right away I wanted an epidural because I knew it could be a while before I got some relief.  Jill arrived a few minutes later while they were hooking me up to the baby monitor.  Everything looked good with the baby so I was given permission to walk around.  

Walker, Jill, and I (oh and my IV cart of course) went into the hallway to do laps.  The sad thing was, the hospital is under construction so we were confined to a little L-shaped part of the hall.  I don’t know how many times we walked loops around it- but it was the only thing that got me through those contractions.  Jill and Walker were both so supportive and encouraging.  Jill kept reminding me to walk with my legs far apart to help put pressure on my cervix.  I must have looked pretty silly but I did it because I knew it would help.  She also suggested several times that we could do squats or lunges.  I refused each time.  =)  I’m really glad the ward wasn’t busy- we were pretty much the only ones out in the hallway the whole time.  

Finally, my bag was about done and the nurse brought me back in the room to start the epidural.  Hooray, hooray!!  I had to sit on the bed and they raised it up and I kept thinking “oh man if I have a contraction, I’m going to stand up on the chair under my feet.”  And that is exactly what I did when the next one came.  It was just too painful to have them sitting down.  But even though Walker was hanging on to me, I knew it wasn’t safe so I made myself stay on the bed for the next ones.  

The anesthesiologist came in and started prepping my back.  Of course I had contractions during this but he was nice enough to wait to do the “bigger” things until I was done having them.  And while he was doing whatever he does where I’m not supposed to move, I had another big contraction.  Ugh!  But I was a good girl and didn’t move a muscle.  I got through it by thinking “only a little longer” and by whispering the words “I’m okay, I’m okay, I’m okay.”  Finally, the process was complete and I was allowed to lay back and relax.  I made the comment of how I didn’t feel the “shock” that you sometimes feel when they give you an epidural and the anesthesiologist made the comment of “well that’s because I did it” (meaning the procedure).  And both Walker and I said we thought he was my anesthesiologist last time and I had felt it then.  He kiddingly disagreed and then left.  Wouldn’t you know....about 30 minutes later he comes back in with my records and told me that the other anesthesiologist had given me the epidural last time.  We all cracked up at how intent he was on proving me and Walker wrong.  He must have been having a really slow day to go back and dig up my records from more than a year ago!

Anyway, once I was comfortable they checked me again and I was 6 cm.  Lucy had not really moved down that much.  They kept saying she was belottable.  That meant that the bag of waters was down low but Lucy was bouncing around inside.  But I was still feeling pressure with each contraction so I knew things were still progressing.  

But a little later, the nurse came back in and said my contractions had started to space out and they were thinking about rupturing my membranes.  My midwife sent a text message to the OB who was at the hospital asking her to come check me and perhaps break the bag artificially.  The problem was, since Lucy was not really engaged, they were worried that if they broke my bag, the umbilical cord would drop down before her head.  So they were also thinking maybe they should just give me pitocin but it was my choice.  I decided to wait for a bit and see how things went.

The nurse came back a bit later and asked again about the pitocin and again I said I wanted to wait.  While we were talking I felt a trickle of fluid on my butt.  I told the nurse and she checked and said it looked like my bag was leaking.  She checked me again and was shocked to see that I was nearly completely dilated!  So those contractions might have slowed down but they were very productive!  She called my midwife and things started to roll.

When my midwife came in, she checked me and my bag of waters really ruptured.  The good thing was the fluid was clear.  The nurses finished prepping the room and Walker put on his gown to help with the delivery.

I got into position and we all just kind of waited for my next contraction.  It was kind of weird because the room was very quiet and I was just laying there with my legs wide open...I don’t know, it was a little awkward for me.  But I felt a contraction come on and I started pushing.  It took me a moment to remember how to do it!  Someone asked if I needed a count and I said no.  I did 3 big pushes during the 1st contraction and then relaxed.  Again, we kinda sat there waiting....waiting.  It was almost surreal.  But the next contraction came and I started pushing again.  I felt another huge gush of liquid- apparently my bag hadn’t ruptured all the way.  Initially the midwife said that Lucy was bald but really it was just part of the bag covering the back of her head.  Once they removed that, I was told she had a lot of dark hair.  I was asked if I wanted to feel her head, which I did but at the same time I was like “okay let’s keep going!”  On the 3rd contraction I must have been really determined because I just kept pushing with all my might.  Everyone started getting kind of excited with their coaching so I knew she was almost out.  I was bracing myself for the “ring of fire” but it never really came!  Finally, I felt her head pop out and then one more big push and little Lucy entered the world.  I think I only had to push for a total of 20-25 minutes.  She didn’t cry right away because part of the bag was covering her face- poor baby!  But once they got her suctioned out, they put her on my chest and started rubbing her down.  Then Walker cut the cord and they took her to the exam table to suction her out some more to see if she would cry louder.  I personally don’t think there’s anything wrong with a baby who has a quiet cry, but whatever.  =)

I ended up having one 1st degree tear but the midwife said it wasn’t even really a 1st degree.  It was just some scar tissue from last time that had torn.  But she stitched me up and Lucy got bundled up and Walker and I got to start bonding with our 2nd baby girl.

Looking back, I had a couple of thoughts.  First, my labor was almost exactly 8 hours which I thought was kind of funny since I had had that premonition earlier.  Second, I believe I could have done it naturally.  I was able to work through my contractions and I probably could have gone without the epidural.  However, I’m glad I got it because getting in that hour and a half rest and relaxation really helped me when it came time to push.  I definitely had more energy and I could easily focus on pushing, rather than any pain I might have felt.  I say it again- I really admire the women who do it naturally- it’s just not for me.  Perhaps I would feel differently if I had a bad experience with epidurals but I didn’t.  I was still able to move my legs and hoist my hips in the air when they needed me to.  Plus, I could feel the pressure from my contractions so I knew when to push.  And last, I am amazed at how much easier labor truly is the 2nd time around.  Your body just naturally remembers what to do and it is amazing.  So if any 2nd time moms-to-be out there are nervous about labor, don’t be!  I can almost guarantee it will be better than your first!  And lastly, as “easy” as my labor was this time, I don’t think I want to do it again.  ;)

Please Pray

I feel like I've gone back in time 15 months. . .

Last Wednesday, we saw the pediatrician's assistant for Lucy's check up.  Luckily, the PA at Christie Clinic is also their certified lactation consultant.  At the check up Lucy weighed 7 lbs, 2.5 oz.  So she had lost about 10 oz from birth.  Due to the issues I had in the past, the LC wanted to see us again today.  The rest of last week and all weekend, I really thought breastfeeding was going well.  Lucy seemed content after feedings, she had plenty of dirty diapers, and looked well hydrated.  I was nervous about our appointment today but was feeling confident that she had gained at least some of her weight back. 
Unfortunately, Lucy not only did not gain weight, she lost weight.  She's now down to 7 pounds even.  Needless to say all the horrible feelings came rushing back.  I am completely devastated that I am once again facing these obstacles.  I did everything right this time; I don't understand why we are going through this again.  The LC said that Lucy's latch was pretty good, it's just a little narrow.  So now I have to pump 4 times a day after feedings and give that to Lucy after she nurses.  I'm also taking a bunch of herbs.  And I'm making myself eat lots of oatmeal even though the LC didn't say anything about my diet.  She is having my blood checked for low prolactin levels.  If they are low, then I guess there's some prescriptions we can try.  If they're not low, then I just have to keep following this regimen until my supply is up. 

So I guess I'm just asking for lots of prayers.   Please pray that my supply increases, pray for Lucy's weight to go up (we go back Wednesday) and pray for her latch to improve. 

Birth Story.....

.....coming soon!

I think everyone knows already but in case you missed it- Miss Lucy Jane made her appearance at 11:52 AM on Monday March 7, 2011.  She weighed in at 7 lbs, 12.6 oz and was 20 inches long.  We're back at home now and everything seems to be going very well. 

Pictures are exporting out of Lightroom as I type this and tomorrow I will upload them to Picasa.  And then I'll get to work on that birth story.  ;)

39 Weeks

Well here we are, 1 week to go.  How has the last week been?  Well this past weekend I desperately tried to go into labor since my favorite midwife was on call.  It obviously did not work. 

Last night, I started having contractions.  They felt different than my other ones and seemed to be coming frequently enough that I started timing them.  They started off being 10-15 minutes apart.  I decided to lay down to see if they continued and also because if it was the real deal I wanted to get some rest.  To my surprise they actually started to get closer together.  And then.....and then....nothing.   They started spacing out, lessening in intensity and then stopped completely.  I was so frustrated (wait I still am frustrated!) because they had been going for 3 hours by that point and it felt just like when I went into labor with Taylor.  BAH!

So this morning I dragged my (big) sorry butt to work.  I cried on my way to work.  I cried when I got to work.  I cried before my morning meeting.  I cried before I got my students from the gym.  I cried while my students were working on their math.  I cried during lunch.  During my plan time....while my kids were watching a Dr. Seuss movie...on my way to my dr.'s appointment....on my way home...and of course at home.  Now I think I'm just cried out. 

I know I'm not overdue but I'm just tired of all of this activity that happens and then goes nowhere.  And save your speeches about how it's getting my body ready.  I really could care less at this point.  I just want to be able to sit/walk/sleep/stand or do anything without some body part hurting. 

And to make matters worse, my midwife today said that I'm not 2 cm.  I'm actually a "very loose 1."  So either I regressed or they were wrong last time.  Fanfreakintastic.

If you're smart, you'll avoid me for the next week..I'm not very pleasant to be around.  Or if I am, I'm totally faking it.